The 10 Worst Movies of 2014 (That I Dare Speak Of)

Ah, what a year. Countless big debuts, questionable remakes, and surprising sequels has graced the screens of movie theaters across the globe. Moviegoers experienced everything from the fetal-position-inducing emotion roller coaster of 'The Fault in Our Stars' to the contemplation of possible suicide after a numbing 3 hours of 'Dinobots: The Movie''Transformers: Age of Extinction'. When it comes to this year in movies, there's no doubt that there is a lot to talk about. Just for a moment, I want to highlight 10 of the worst movies of this glorious year. These are movies that I know I and many others immediately regretted paying money for. Quite frankly the time could've been better spent on something productive like counting the ceiling tiles or crying my eyes out while contemplating how depressing life can be.

Anyway, without further ado, here are 10 of the worst movies that 2014 had to offer (and I just mean the ones that I dare speak of):

10. Robocop 

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There are few sins as terrible as rebooting a franchise. It almost never ends well. 'Robocop' is no exception. In fact, it may be one of the most heinous crimes of them all. Not only was this not worth full price, it wasn't even worth $1.50 to see. No bueno. My favorite part of how terrible this movie was is that they somehow managed to grab a hold of the Samuel L. Jackson and give him such an unimportant and annoying role as a news-reporter-gone-FOX. Oh the painful memories. Spare yourself the headache and don't even acknowledge this if you come across it. Just watch the original 'Robocop' in your undies an a bowl of cereal or something. I promise you that you'll have a better time.

9. Hercules

When I first saw the preview for 'Hercules', not to be confused with the lesser-known quietly released 'The Legend of Hercules', I immediately wanted to kick a puppy something. Why did someone feel the need to retell the legends of Heracles/Hercules? Why should this even exist after Disney's lovable release in 1997? Why in the world is Dwayne Johnson in it? Because of The Fall, that's why. I believe this year's release of 'Hercules' was a prime example of someone releasing a movie nobody asked for. To its merit, it wasn't exactly what I expected. It was somewhat entertaining and tackled the tale of Hercules from a different angle but it wasn't up to worth-my-money standards. It was worth the $1.50 though. This is probably the best movie on this list because it's something you can watch when you're tired of work and just want to turn off your brain for a bit. What made it so bad was the terrible CGI, lackluster acting and laughable plot. Not the absolute worst I've seen, but it's far far away from the best. Tsk tsk tsk.

8. The Hangover Games

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Good gosh where do I start? This was 85 minutes of purely stupid comedy. This is the sort of thing that would be funny after a long day of working only to find out that you're getting fired from your job and it's 4am in the morning and you haven't stopped sobbing in the fetal position yet. I personally think that 'The Hangover Games' wasn't meant to be made into an actual film but it somehow made it through the cracks. Cheesy jokes, terrible stabs at recent trends and releases (most notably 'The Hunger Games'), unnecessary can't-watch-it-with-your-parents nudity, deplorable production makes this 'The Hungover Games' one of the worst films of all time. No exaggeration. This was all sorts of nope.

7. Transformers: Age of Extinction

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I would rant on about 'Transformers: Age of Extinction' again but I don't have another 23 hours and 58 minutes to do so. I explain my love/hate, but mostly hate, relationship with this installment of Transformers here. Save yourself the trouble and don't invest 3 hours (yes, you read that right) into this movie. Please.

6. Son of God

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Okay so let me get this out of the way: Yes, I am a Christian. The reason why 'Son of God' is on this list is because I don't think it should even be called a 'movie'. Honestly, this felt like the season finale to the television miniseries 'The Bible'. Some of the show was pasted in there and it was obvious that there had to have been some prior viewing of the show to really follow what was happening. I was upset that for a biblically based movie I felt like I needed to watch the show to understand how people got where they were and why they were doing what they were doing. Like most biblical films, this was not 100% accurate...which was okay I guess. The biggest fault with 'Son of God' to me is that it felt altogether irrelevant. Mel Gibson shattered the world with 'The Passion of the Christ' in 2006 and since then there has yet to be a movie based on the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ to even touch the bar. While 'Son of God' did focus more on the life and ministry of Jesus, it really fell flat on it's face. It may as well be called the "family-friendly" 'Passion of the Christ' because it went above and beyond to play it safe. That's not always a good thing. May this be a lesson learned.

5. Lucy

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'Lucy' had such a cool idea going for it. When you propose the question "What would actually happen if someone can access 100% of their brain?", the possibilities are endless. The trailers gave us such cool visuals of Lucy (played horribly by Scarlett Johansson) having telekinesis and actually driving a car properly and stopping bullets mid-air...and it all went down the drain. Not only were her powers unimpressive, but things just became downright illogical. For example, she can perform a high-risk operation on herself but doesn't have the intelligence to drive on the right side of the road. I wanted 'Lucy' to be so much more but I guess I set my expectations too high. 

4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

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See #10. Same sort of deal. Unecessary remake topped off with creepy ninja turtle animations and Megan Fox just adds salt to the wound. I was not a fan.

3. Christian Mingle

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There are many, many, many reasons why 'Christian Mingle' should not be a thing. The notion is so silly that it deserves a place on this list. This is why we can't have nice things...

2. Step Up: All In

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I'll be the first person to raise my hand and support the 'Step Up' franchise. Although it's my guilty pleasure, I won't defend it because they're amazing movies...because they're not. 'Step Up: All In' probably had the worst acting and plot of the entire series. The only thing saving it from being a total disaster is the closet fan base (ahem) that has followed everything from day one. People who would pick this up without any prior love of the rest would not want to pay to see this again. It saddens me to put 'Step Up: All In' on the list but I had to be honest with myself. Now if you'll excuse me I have a blu-ray edition to pre-order.

1. Left Behind

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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. No. Just no.

(Dis)Honorable Mentions

• A Haunted House 2
• Kirk Cameron's: Saving Christmas
• Oculus
• Pompeii
• Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones